I love it when a guy has an adorable smile. I mean, a sexy smile is cool and a pretty/flawless smile is great, but an adorable smile just melts my heart.
Who the fuck is Lights? Everytime I hear about her (?) I just think about how I need to go to Ikea to get a lightbulb for my lamp…
Anonymous said: Do u want a boyfriend
Oh god, this is a loaded question. Do I feel a need to have a boyfriend? No. But would I like to have someone to hold hands with, go out with, show affection to? Would it be nice to know someone really cares about me and more than anything just wants to make me feel safe, happy, and wanted? Do I want somebody to share my life with? Of course to all of those. There really is nothing better than being with someone you truly care about and showing them that through affection, your words, and your actions. But I’m definitely not desperate for just ANY guy. He has to be special to me; I’m not going to give my heart away to anyone who’s willing to take it.
thepurpleplatypusbear said: A, R, I, E, L (:
A. Why my last relationship ended.
The very very last guy, we weren’t even reallyyy dating but he wanted to get back together with his ex-girlfriend. The last guy I was actually pretty serious with, he says he didn’t want to hurt me anymore by not being able to fully commit to me or something. He wanted time to kind of “find” himself. I call bullshit. He’s just not over his last girlfriend.
R. Favorite song at the moment.
I don’t really have one! But the most played on my iTunes is “One and Only” by Adele.
I. Have any tattoos or piercings?
Yup, I’ve gotten a total of 8 piercings, but 3 have closed up. I currently have 2 tattoos, but there will be more on the way!
E. My best friend.
Lyndsey aka Lyndsey-Reine aka Carter aka Weez/Weezy/Weezy C Baby/Weezy C Baby If Ya Nasty aka happinessssss. She’s probably the best best friend I’ve ever had. She’s always there for me and will drop everything when I need her. She’s the person I can be most honest with about absolutely anything and everything. She’s knows me better than anyone else and understands why certain things upset me a lot. Words can’t really describe how good of a friend she’s been to me and what she means to me.
L. One of my insecurities.
I don’t like wearing my hair up because people always tell me I look like my brother when I do, so I feel like that means I look like a boy. So when I do wear my hair up, I tend to dress more girly and always wear make-up and earrings.
Anonymous said: I just wnt to fuck your gorgeous self, fuckin' love ur curves
Well thanks, anon. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so flattered by a comment like that lol I just hope this isn’t a joke, because my friends would be the people to fuck with my mind like this…
Trying to figure out when I’ll have time to eat, sleep, do homework, and go to the gym during the next few months of my life…
School and 4(ish) jobs. My real job, 2 baby sitting jobs, and a house sitting/cat sitting job. Looks like it’ll be:
-Go to work and work over night.
-Go home and sleep for a few hours.
-Go to school.
-Come back home and sleep for a couple hours.
-Babysit for 3-4 hours.
-Go back home (or to Doug’s if I have to house sit) and sleep until I leave for work later that night.
-Start all over again.
I’ll probably do my homework while I’m babysitting, maybe go to the gym between school and babysitting (or no gym at all), and eat whenever I happen to get the chance to. Hmm…
My heart breaks for the people who honestly feel like they’re worthless or not good enough for anything or anyone. People who feel like they’re ugly, useless, disgusting, not worthy of others’ attention, or that there’s nothing to live for. I wish these people could see that there are people who do love and care about them, there’s something good in every day, and that things will get better.
Being in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you is already hard enough. It’s even worse when they completely erase you from their lives, act like nothing ever happened. Like you were never important. You barely even exist to that person anymore. And as you sit there by yourself, thinking about that person, what you had with them, and what could have been, you know that they aren’t thinking the same things. They stopped thinking about you, stopped caring about you. You don’t even cross their mind anymore, but you can’t get them off yours because no one made you feel as happy or complete as they once did.
For the longest time, I couldn’t decide if I was really in love with you or not. I felt like if I was in love with you, then I’d just know. It’d be obvious to me. But it wasn’t. But at the same time I could never bring myself to say I didn’t love you. And I know it’s probably dumb because we were never “official,” but you really did mean the world to me. There was nothing better than being with you. Being in your arms. Kissing you. Holding your hand. Resting my head on your chest or shoulder. Talking about things that didn’t matter.
You told me you didn’t want to hurt me; that you cared about me. Maybe you didn’t really mean it. But I believed you. And I think that’s what hurts the most. That I thought all the feelings were mutual, but in the end I was left broken and empty and you were just fine. Your life continued, but mine came crashing down.
Now 4 1/2 months later, I think I’m just starting to figure it out. No, I hadn’t completely fallen in love with you. But I was falling. I was definitely falling. I still think about you all the time. More than I should. But I doubt that you think about me at all anymore. I still think of you as if you put the stars in the sky. I don’t think of you so much as the person who broke my heart, but rather as the person who once made me feel loved and cared for.
I would do anything to have another chance to prove to you that I’m worth your time and affection, but ultimately I guess I just want you to be happy. Even if it means I don’t get to be with you again. Even if you end up with someone else and have a beautiful family with her and you forget all about me. All I can do is be happy for you.
I feel really lonely right now. And I’m not even sure why, but I just started crying.
On Friday I went to Gameworks on a “double date” and I was getting really annoyed because the guy I was with kept walking off and leaving me, making me think he didn’t even want me there. So I had a few drinks to take my mind off of it and also happened to run into some people I went to high school with. I decided to hang out with them for awhile because I was tired of feeling ignored all night. Turns out, being at Gameworks reminded him of his ex-girlfriend and he couldn’t stop thinking about her the entire time we were there. And now he’s thinking about getting back together with her.
It’s not like we were really together or like we had been testing this out for very long, but I think it just reminds me that things never work out for me. Like there’s always someone better than me. Like I’m not skinny enough, pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, like I’m just not enough. I had told my best friend before that I didn’t really want to expect anything to come out of this, because I’d probably just end up disappointed as usual. I’m just really tired and frustrated of being seen as “2nd place” to an ex-girlfriend (or another girl in general) so often. It’s such a confidence killer and really makes a person feel like shit.
It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. And I HAD to do it. I cried every day for 2 months straight, maybe longer. And it had been tearing me apart for the months following as well. But you know what’s really been helping me to move on? First, realizing that if he was the one for me, he wouldn’t have let me go. Second, not seeing or talking to him for an extended length of time. And third, the new guy that I like. During the time from our parting until a few weeks ago, there were a couple of guys who sparked my interest, but I guess I never found any of them to quite live up to the last guy. But I’m really starting to like this new one. We’re much more alike in personality even though we grew up in completely different situations. I don’t want to expect too much to come out of this, so for now I’m just having fun with it. Seeing where this goes.
But I still wonder about him sometimes. How he’s been, what he’s been up to, if he ever thinks about me. But it’s a waste of time. I wouldn’t take back the time we did have together; I think it taught me a lot in such a short amount of time. I’m just not going to let it hold me down anymore.